The Pure That's Left

1. I'm trying to see things from your point of view. And then I'm trying to view things from a better version of my own point of view. You know what I'm left with? A gold mine. You can't take any more credit for this than I can, because we were born to do this. Our actions were present at our birth. Every single one of us. We were all seeds, growing together, and all the grounds and nutrients and rains and sunshine and storms and even animal urine, everything that is happening was meant to happen, meant to influence. There were indications along the way, and we chose to see what we wanted, and to ignore what we wanted. I don't want to ignore any more. I choose to see.

3. We're no longer looking together. And that's totally fine.

4. It's funny to me that guys I've dated previously, actually provided more warning for me about their successors, than the successors themselves. They weren't aware that they were doing this. I am grateful for this. After it's all been burned away, this is the pure that remains.

5. I've been wrong before. I'm going to be wrong again. I'm grateful. Because if I were always right.... man, that would be a BAAADDDDD thing.

6. The rubber bands are headed in the right direction.

7. We are attracted to people and to things. If we don't think about why, and we then we keep coming up against the same problems. Thinking. Thinking and reflecting, critically. I need to learn more about how to do this well. I'm sick of not learning the same lessons, so, I'm drawing the line in the sand.

8. We honor ourselves and others when we practice what we know is true. When we discard it, everyone suffers a huge, huge pain in the ass.

9. But... God is great because Life takes that pain in the ass, and creates a hemorrhoid cream, that requires a plant, and employees, to gain wages, manufacturing that cream. So, there, hemorrhoids. BOOM. Done. Talk about making lemonade out of assholes.

10. It was fun, actually, for a little while. Because I don't do drugs, and because I love to distort my consciousness, getting the world to revolve completely around you, though no small feat, was a really cool way to view things for a bit. I reached heights and depths that... no average human, I think, would be willing to spend their time and energy on. It's obvious to me, from this, that a) I actually have happiness to spare, because I'm so ready to take on, temporarily, a lot of sadness and pain, as if it's like, extra dishes to wash or books to carry, and b) I obviously have a lot of fight in me. Maybe I wasn't too far off on that whole joining the Marines thing....

11. I appreciate your presence in my life for what it was. But to be honest, I brought this on myself. You didn't ask for any of this; I obviously knew, deep down, that I needed to walk this path. You were an innocent bystander, so, I'm glad that you've been able to walk away from this pretty unscathed. It's better that you had such a low tolerance, otherwise, this might have affected you negatively. But back to me. (haha). I am glad you were persistent. I am glad that I caved and decided to take you up. God was eagerly rubbing his hands together at that point, saying "okay, I think she's ready to be honest with herself. I think she's ready to be cool."

12. I think this really was all about the fact that I need a better job.