I'm Gonna Make You Cry

WARNING: This piece contains adult themes, such as crying and masturbating. (Adults with the emotional age of) Children who have been allowed to participate in adult relationships are advised to see this, and we don't give a fuck if it's with or without an adult present, although we would suggest it so that someone can explain to you what is going on.

I'm gonna make you cry.

I'm gonna make you cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry some more.

I'm gonna make you cry,

and the next time you see my ass, you're gonna cry.

You're gonna wish you were going home with me and you're gonna wish you could get laid by me and you're going to wish that you could wake up to my sweet sleeping face and you're gonna wish that you could see my face again after that but you won't and you can't.

And you're gonna cry.

You're gonna cry about it.

You're gonna cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry until you run out of tears,

and then God is gonna find one more drop of water in your body and bring it up to your face, and then you are gonna cry some more.

You're gonna cry and cry and cry and cry and God is gonna suggest that you go get some Gatorade to replenish yourself and while you're at Walgreens you're gonna be so glad that you got out of the house, and that you got some fresh air, and you're gonna feel so proud for being so strong, but guess what as soon as you drink that orange Gatorade you're gonna cry some more, because even biology is on my side with this one and you're gonna cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry yourself to sleep and when you wake up you're gonna squeeze out some morning tears while you're thinking about me while you're laying there on your back, and you're gonna cry some sad baby crocodile tears, and while you're drinking your coffee, you may be able to hold back the tears, but guess what?

As soon as you get in the shower, you're gonna cry.

You're gonna feel the water on your face and it's gonna feel like your own hot tears and it's gonna remind you of crying and then you're gonna cry.

And then you're gonna cry some more.

And then you're gonna cry while you masturbate. You're gonna cry, while you masturbate, about me, in the shower. And you're going to think about how hot I am, and how you're never gonna find another girl like me, and how I was the best thing to ever happen to you, and how you can't get me back, and how you couldn't keep me, and how you're gonna be like this for a long, long, long time, and you're gonna masturbate about me, and while you're masturbating about me in the shower, you're gonna cry.

And guess what?

God wants you to cry.

God wants you to cry big, fat, juicy, salty-ass crocodile-ass tears because you were baaaaaaaaaadddd. You were soooo baaaaaaaaaddddd. You were so bad that you are gonna cry for 10 days straight and you are gonna lose 8 pounds from all the water weight going straight to your eyes and God's gonna clap his hands while He smokes a cigar in Heaven while you cry and cry and cry yourself to sleep.

You're gonna get out of the shower and you're gonna dry your face and you're gonna dry your tears that are mixed with shower-water and you're gonna feel good for about 47 seconds and then as soon as you brush your teeth and your face scrunches up into something like Cry Face, you're gonna cry some more, because it's gonna feel so good.

You're gonna cry about me as you brush your teeth.

You are gonna taste salty tears slip into your mouth and you're gonna taste the salt and the mint and you're gonna like it and you're gonna feel like a better person for crying, for crying into your mouth, into your toothpaste mouth, because it feels so good for you to cry, it feels so good for you to let it all out, let out all the stuff that you could never show and never feel and you're gonna feel like a really good guy.

But you're still gonna cry.

You're gonna cry.

I'm gonna make you cry.