Do you ever notice, when you're with someone you know is fantastic, that you sometimes totally shit allllllll over it? Like, it seems with your every move, you are holding your middle finger up right in their face? And when they don't seem to have seen that, you kick them in the balls? (Or, shins, if they have no balls?)
Or is it just me?
I seem to be confronted with all these ghosts of opportunities past, that I was either too stupid to appreciate at the time, or too afraid, or both. Now, when time has passed, and I'm more wise, it's too late.
I know there's always a silver lining, that the grass is always greener, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone, and any other random cliche that applies. And cliches happen, I know this too. And I know that there's going to be something headed my way that will make me look back and say "See, Jess? THIS is why THAT didn't work out." That's happened before, and I know it will happen again. But I cannot help but to wonder: Did I throw away something that was really worth grabbing with both hands?
And why, why, why does this seem to happen, again, and again, and again?
Why on earth would a person shrink away from being loved?
I can think of only 2 reasons:
1. They doubt the authenticity of the source.
2. They disbelieve they are worthy.
I love the way you express yourself in these blogs, Jessica. And I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one who has employed the "shit on" method. But one day, you'll find someone and you'll try that method, and they'll tell you that no matter what you do, they won't be driven away from you, and you'll realize that the source is authentic and you'll know you're worthy. Because you are, and always have been. Then you'll grab firmly w/ 2 hands and never let go.
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